HORROR
Setting: {Unlit parking lot of Minor league baseball Stadium in Birmingham, AL; May 2007}
Characters: Me, midget version of Santa Clause wearing a cargo fishing vest w/tin buttons saying "Stop War" and "Fight Racism" (aka MVoSC)
Script:
MVoSC: Have you heard of the charity "Locks of Love?"
Me: Yes...
MVoSC: Well I'm part of a sister charity called "Little Locks of Love", for the kids who...you know...don't make it. And so what we do is make little replica dolls of the kids for the parents and we take the donated hair to make the doll's hair...so...{Takes out a pair of scissors from pocket} all I need is just a couple inches of your beautiful hair.
Me: Uhm, I would love to, but I just got my haircut...but if you have a website I could go to to find participating salons the next time I decide to get my hair cut...
MVoSC: Well here's my number {Scribbles on the back of a 1970's Seattle Pilot baseball card of Donny Murphy}, I'm just going to sit here and watch you from my car until your athletic trainer friend comes out.
COMEDY
Setting: {Women's soccer home opener, soccer field, Lexington, VA; August 2007}
Characters: Me, fellow Graduate Student from Penn State (GSPSU), VMI Athletic Director (AD), VMI wrestling team
Script:
Me: Hey, let's just drive straight across the soccer field in this 14 passenger van loaded down with coolers and ice chests, we only have 30 minutes before pre-game.
GSPSU: Uhm...let's not...I don't even know if it's even a good thing that we're driving along this muddy part...I think you just got us stuck...
Me: Oh...no problem...I will just get some infield gravel to throw under it for traction...why are the sprinklers on?
AD: Hey ladies, how are things going...NEVER drive on this side of the soccer field, it's in the shade so it's always muddy! You must have run over the sprinkler system, I have to cut the main water valve here to stop it! I'm gonna get the wrestling team to help push the van out...
{Enter 10 VMI wrestlers to get behind the van while I get behind the wheel}
AD: Ok, I want you to slowly step on the gas while we push you out of the trench you created
Me: Step on the gas? Ok {Steps on the gas full throttle}
{Sprays half the wrestling team with mud and gravel}
Wrestling team: "Ow!!" "Ahh! I can't see anymore!" "Uggh! It's in my mouth!" "My foot!"
AD: Keep pushing!! Keep pushing!!
ROMANCE
Setting: {Guest bedroom in Diamond Bar, CA; one week ago}
Cast: Me, My Personal Penguin (PP)
Script:
{late morning, lying in bed facing each other}
PP: Sigh..what am I going to do with you?
Me: I dunno, what do you want to do?
PP: It's a long list...
Me: We have an hour before we have to leave for your flight...
{Silence}
Me (sarcastic): Wow...long list...well I can guarantee that we get all of that done
{More Silence, I get up to leave}
PP: I want to hold your hand...I want to make you feel better when you have a bad day, I want to congratulate you when you get a new job or a promotion, I want to wake up next to you in the morning, I want to live with you. {Sigh} I want to have THE awkward conversation with your parents, I want to propose to you...I want to marry you...{Cue tears}...I want to make you a mom...I want to watch our kids grow up and become successful, I want to grow old with you...and at the end of it all, I still want to be holding your hand.
With each of these moments I wanted to look around and to see where the cameras and sound crew were hiding. I loved each of those moments, and I love how varied each of these experiences were. I realize how lucky I am for having all the opportunities I've been given and being blessed for seeing the humor in everything! I love having my friends all be a part of all of this and I promise I'll keep letting them "live vicariously through me".
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